Appreciate the Woman in Your Life

Appreciate The Woman In Your Life

Posted on 21. Feb, 2009 by Michael Scott in Love & Relationships, Marriage, Relationships

I was browsing blogs last night and came across a post by Lisis entitled Mothers, Daughters, Women, Girls. I thought the post was really powerful - not so much because I understand womens struggles (I’m just a man), but because it reminds me that there is a struggle that I’m typically oblivious to.

My wife has never complained to me about the hardships of being a woman. From my (admittedly limited) perspective, she makes it look easy. But as Lisis explains in her post:

It may look that way, because we [women] have learned to carry our sorrows, anxieties, frustrations and disappointments with grace. But it can be emotionally challenging and overwhelming at times.

My wife is definitely one who carries her “sorrows, anxieties, frustrations and disappointments with grace.” So how could I have thought that was easy? Clearly, I haven’t given it enough attention. This is why I feel so compelled to follow Lisis’ suggestion:

If you are a man, take another look at your wife, girlfriend, mother, daughter, or sister and try to appreciate what it takes to be her. Most likely, she does a lot; she gives a lot. And all she wants in return is to be noticed, and appreciated. Is that so much to ask?

Thanks for the post, Lisis. No, it’s not so much to ask. Following is a description of my wife that I wrote in the About Us section of our old family website. I’m including it here to publicly announce my appreciation for her:

acooba Acooba is my wife and soul mate – a dear and loving life-partner who has brought joy and sunshine into my life. She is a warm, playful and generous spirit; full of both compassion and mischief. She has a grand and overflowing heart, and always makes those around her feel loved and special. Indeed, all of our family members (and even many outside of our family) seem to gravitate towards Acooba’s love. In this way, I would say Acooba is the center of our family. She has made a loving home for us in her heart; and wherever she is, (for us) that’s where home is also. In fact, I used to tease my kids – calling them little ducklings – because of how closely they followed their mother around. But this, of course, is the magic and power of her love. Life just isn’t as sunny when she’s not around.

The words which I feel best describe Acooba include the following: comforting, warm, loving, gentle, sweet, compassionate, giving, humble, selfless, hard-working, beautiful, mothering, courageous, intelligent, creative, and fun loving.

Since her presence in my life, I have received many blessings through Acooba. The most important of these has been an ongoing lesson about the strength of love. Because Acooba is so gentle and unassuming, she is often mistaken for being weak, passive and even naive. She rarely argues or takes a hard position with anyone. Despite this, those who truly know Acooba, know that she is deeply convicted, honorable and fights relentlessly for what she believes. She may not win many arguments or command the most respect, but she has won over many hearts, transformed many lives, and even made friends out of those who once held ill will towards her – all through the power of love.

In this way, I would say Acooba is very much a fighter. She is dedicated, principled, strong and stubbornly determined to give love no matter what. I don’t always agree with her, but I recognize a profound strength and wisdom in her ways that I must respect. Besides this, I have seen the long term effects of her love. Yes, she is soft, gentle and caressing like water, but even gentle streams over time can wear down the hardiest of rock. Despite great obstacles and opposition, Acooba has stayed the course of her loving ways; and that has certainly made all the difference in my life.

Thanks, Acooba. I love you dearly.

- Michael Scott

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28 Responses to “Appreciate The Woman In Your Life”

Acooba

21. Feb, 2009

Dear Sweet Michael,
Thank you for your loving and inspiring words. I believe that because you look at me with love and faith, you see my highest self, and that in turn encourages me to continue striving to be the best I can. I agree that women have special challenges to overcome and burdens to bear. However, in my opinion, men also have their own special challenges and burdens which can be equally overwhelming, especially when they have not been properly supported and prepared. For over 20 years now I have witnessed your approach to life’s ups and downs - you have been a wonderful example of grace. Being married to you has opened my heart and mind. I never expected or dreamed that a man could be so patient, so thoughtful, so loving, so gracious…so wonderful! Not only do you bear your own burdens with grace, but you have also consistently helped me with mine - lending me your strength when I am tired, and catching me when I stumble. Thank you for reminding me - over and again - that I am deeply loved and appreciated. I hope and pray that you will always feel the same.

Love Always,
Acooba

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Vincent @ Yinnergy

23. Feb, 2009

Wow, this is a very moving and emotional post Michael…very beautiful.
A song that came to my mind right away is Tupac’s: Dear Momma.
Right now the two most beautiful women I cherish and admire is my Mom and my sister. Both very courageous and strong women. I also get the same impression about your wife Acooba after reading your post.

Great list of adjectives to describe Acooba. At times we are so caught up in the rat race of life and fast paced constant changing society. Hence, we forget to really recognize and show true appreciation to important women in our lives.

I also read your “about” page, very insightful and inspiring to read. I love your “it” analysis. Happiness is so dynamic and fluid. That my friend is what makes life so more amazing to live and share our happiness.

Looking forward to joining you on a journey of sharing happiness towards everyone.

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Michael Scott

23. Feb, 2009

@Vincent

Thanks for the thoughtful feedback, and welcome to the site!

Appreciating the important women in our lives is definitely something we should do regularly. Thanks again to Lisis for the reminder.

I’m not familiar with the Dear Momma song by Tupac. Guess I’ll have to go check it out.

Looks like you’re starting a new blog too. I love the positivity! You’ll definitely be hearing from me.

Thanks again,
Mike

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Vincent @ Yinnergy

24. Feb, 2009

You’re very welcome Michael,

I’m happy that we can feed off each other’s positive energy. I will be a regular visitor to your site for sure.

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Lisis

24. Feb, 2009

Michael, there is so much happiness, positivity and warmth on your site today! I’m glad I stopped by here first; it will certainly start my day off right. I am really glad you enjoyed the post, and took my words to heart. What you have written here about Acooba is beautiful, and I can tell just by looking at her picture why that is: she has the most magical, loving smile and aura of patience and compassion about her.

From your post and her response in the comments, it sounds like the two of you are very fortunate to have found each other. It is such a blessing for me to witness so much love between two people. It just fills my heart with joy!

Thank you for sharing your moving words, and introducing us to your beautiful wife! Hi, Acooba!!! =-)

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Michael Scott

24. Feb, 2009

Lisis, thanks for your kind words. And thanks again for your blog posts which are always honest, courageous and uplifting.

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Acooba

24. Feb, 2009

Hi Lisis, it’s great to “meet” you! Thanks so much for your sweet words. Thank you also for your on-going efforts to help others find happiness and inner peace. Through your blog, you have been a blessing to us, and I’m sure to many others as well. Your post on // Mothers, Daughters, Women, Girls // gave us a timely opportunity to think and talk and reflect. Michael and I do feel very fortunate to have each other, but we’re also open to (and thankful for) opportunities to keep growing and learning in love. Showing/expressing appreciation is so very important, yet so simple that it’s easily forgotten. In my experience, having those “appreciations” in written form is tremendously helpful…when I re-read Michael’s words it helps me to remember and know that I am loved and appreciated. When I re-read my own words of appreciation for Michael and for our children, it helps remind me of my commitment, and keep my focus on what I truly value. I’m happy that Michael has discovered a source of “community” in the blogosphere. Browsing through your blog I feel a great sense of kinship with you, and I look forward to reading more of your insightful articles.
Be Well and Happy,
Acooba

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Sasha

24. Feb, 2009

Wow…truly a beautiful post. I am glad that I followed your link from Blackandmarriedwithkids.com.

Thank you for honoring your wife. Thank you for being a reminder to me that there are amazing, sensitive men who want to appreciate women and help them grow. Thank you and your wife for being such a glowing, effervescent light in a time of darkness.

I think my favorite part was the testimony from your wife that because you always look at her with love and faith, you see her highest self, and aspire her to live in that realm more often.

Reading your love to one another has left me feeling like I just ate an amazing culinary delight of a meal…full and satisfied.

thank you again

Reply to this comment
Michael Scott

24. Feb, 2009

Sasha, thank you for stopping by! I’m pleasantly surprised by how moved you are in response to this post and my wife’s comments.

I have to say, though, my wife is generous in her regard for me (love does that). Nonetheless, there’s still lots of room for me to become a better husband. I’m working on it.

BTW, I believe there are plenty of sensitive men who want to appreciate women and help them [and themselves] grow. Honestly, I believe that most men are this way - even though it may not always come across. The problem is that we receive such little training for our roles. But as long as there is love and forgiveness, there’s a way!

Thanks again,
Mike

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Acooba

25. Feb, 2009

Sasha wrote:

Reading your love to one another has left me feeling like I just ate an amazing culinary delight of a meal…full and satisfied.

Sasha,
What an amazing compliment! I really appreciate your way of putting it, because I absolutely LOVE to cook and feed people!! For years Michael has been encouraging me to express my creativity and love in different ways that don’t involve food, so you chose the perfect words to inspire me. Thank you! I truly believe that marriage is not merely between two people, but encompasses the entire community and beyond. As such I feel a great sense of responsibility because what we’re building is bigger than ourselves. Incidentally, I was recently reading Forbidden Fruit: Love Stories of the Underground Railroad, by Betty DeRamus. It recounts some incredible stories of the lengths Black People went to during the times of slavery to marry and be together - against all odds and even against the laws of the land. One amazing man, escaping with his love refused to leave her behind when she became injured. Instead, he carried her on his back, ALL THE WAY TO CANADA!!

Thanks for the kind words,
Acooba

Reply to this comment
Michael Scott

25. Feb, 2009

Oh great, culinary delights and forbidden fruit. Why does it always have to be about food?

Acooba, I love you, but don’t expect me to carry you to Canada!

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Sasha

25. Feb, 2009

Now I’m even more inspired…thanks again.

Acooba, you and Michael’s words and love will feed me for days on end.

I love what you say, Acooba, that marriage encompasses not just two people, but the whole community. I believe that is true about so much in our lives. One of my favorite quotes is something like: “to plant trees under which the shade of which you may never sit.”

You just never know how your example might change somebody’s life, and propel them into a whole different dimension.

I think you are correct Michael, in that there are many men who want to appreciate women and help them grow, and thereby growing themselves, but there is such little training, which goes again to feeding others with your examples and your words and your love, and watching them grow and become examples for others…

Thank you, guys…my soul is so nurtured. Keep up the great work

Reply to this comment
Harriet

25. Feb, 2009

To witness the orchard of love, joy and peace between the two of you is so refreshing. I’m with Sasha…I really appreciate you two sharing the fruit of your love through this forum. You make “happily ever after” look sooooo easy!

Reply to this comment
Michael Scott

25. Feb, 2009

@Sasha
Each week when I do my mens group, the guys have an opportunity to talk about anything they want. Today, when I asked what we should talk about, a self-described thug (a man who has spent 27 years in prison) said he wanted to talk about “relationships.” We had a great group! Nothing gets their attention like trying to make things work better with the woman they love. You might be surprised how thoughtful and sensitive these guys are.

@Harriet
Come to think of it, expressing our appreciation for each other has become easy for us. Still, maintaining the relationship is an ongoing investment. Like everyone else, we have our challenges. But even in our most challenging moments, we never forget what it is that we appreciate about each other. I think that makes a difference.

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Acooba

25. Feb, 2009

Sasha - we must be feeding each other, because I feel such blissful contentment from your positive energy; I think I really understand how you feel. Thanks for sharing that quote about planting trees, I love it! I’m learning to act according to my values and beliefs without being attached to the results. About growing to be an example…one of my favorite quotes is an African Proverb: “The path is made by walking.”

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Acooba

25. Feb, 2009

Harriet said: “You make “happily ever after” look sooooo easy!”

Harriet, I had to chuckle when I read this, because Michael REALLY has a problem with the concept of “happily ever after!” He complains that fairy tales are terribly misleading in that when they say: “…and they lived happily ever after…” that’s the point where the real work begins (or should begin anyway). Seriously though, Michael and I have had a lot of struggles trying to find our way together, but it has definitely gotten easier over time. We’re celebrating our 20th Anniversary this year, and if we’re able to continue building up momentum, we’ll probably cruise into “happily ever after” in another 50 years or so. Thanks for your vote of confidence! BTW, I love the concept of an “orchard of love, joy and peace.”

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Sasha

26. Feb, 2009

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

May you always look at each other with the utmost of love, respect and passion…may you toast each other 10 years from now and look back at this time and say “ah…that was when we loved each other the least…”

God bless you beautiful people!!

Reply to this comment
Joe blessing

27. Feb, 2009

Great post. is it too much to ask for women to appreciate the men in their lives though. I don’t feel the love all that often.

Joe blessing’s last blog post..Double Bind

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Michael Scott

27. Feb, 2009

@Sasha
Acooba told me she wanted to respond to your comment so I’m still waiting for her to do that. She’s a soccer mom (a martial arts mom actually) of 4, so it’s kind of hard to get her to sit still in front of a computer.

@Joe blessing
Hey man, welcome to the site! We could use more men around here, so I hope you’ll be willing to stick around. I think you raise a good question. I’m going to defer this one to the women, because I really want to hear what they have to say.

@(all the ladies)
So, what do you think about Joe blessing’s question?

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Acooba

27. Feb, 2009

Hi Sasha,
Thank you!!! What a lovely blessing. Blogging is totally new to me…I haven’t spent much time reading them before, and I certainly never participated in one, so I didn’t know what to expect. Well I’ve been completely blown away by the way Michael and I have been embraced by such a warm, supportive, loving, positive, eloquent, growth-oriented, talented, and giving community of people. Although I’ve only known you for a few days, I feel like my life has been enriched by your words (to me and to others) and that your presence and participation with Love To Spare is a wonderful gift and blessing. So thanks…and may God Bless You too!

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Daphne

01. Mar, 2009

Hi Michael and Acooba, this was a lovely post. If more couples would do what you just did - affirming each other in public and working on a project like this together, many marriages would be happier and the world would be a better place.

Go forth and spread the joy to others!

Daphne’s last blog post..Do You Have A Personal Creed?

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Michael Scott

02. Mar, 2009

Hi Daphne!
Thanks for stopping by, and thanks especially for the powerful encouragement.

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Vered - MomGrind

10. Mar, 2009

What a beautiful tribute to Acooba. The world needs more men like you!

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Michael Scott

10. Mar, 2009

Hi Vered! So glad you could stop by. Thanks for your kind words.

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Albert | UrbanMonk.net

21. Mar, 2009

This is beautiful stuff, both of you are really blessed to be with each other.
Albert | UrbanMonk.net’s last blog post..Unconditional Acceptance for Our Totality, Part 2

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Michael Scott

21. Mar, 2009

Thanks, Albert. I feel that way too.

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Vikum (Thinking Park)

05. Apr, 2009

Hi Michael and Acooba,

Woo…w. This is great.I’m really glad to see how much you love to each other.No wonder you have enough love to share all over the world through your blog . You love each other, respect and praise each other.What else? You guys are praiseworthy.
May you live a longer life with full of joy and overflowing love like this.

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Michael Scott

05. Apr, 2009

Vikum, thank you for your kind words!

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