Lessons of the Week - #1

Posted on 04. Apr, 2009 by Michael Scott in Featured, Notes & Reflections, Relationships

child with learning difficulties Today marks the end of a challenging week for me. I have slept little and worked ’round the clock this week trying to meet an ambitious Friday deadline. As the sole breadwinner in a family of six, I’m used to working long hours. But what made this week particularly difficult for me were my choices: to skip meditation, to skip my routine hangout time and walks with the family, to cancel Wednesday’s meeting for my weekly Mens Group, and even to skip date night with Acooba. All of this was my own doing. In fact, I’m even the one who set the ambitious Friday deadline for myself.

Why? I think it was mostly due to the excitement of working on a new project. This particular project has given me an excuse to manifest some ideas that I’ve had bouncing around in my head for awhile. So even though I was busy working all week, in actuality I was playing. I felt highly challenged, engaged and motivated. And as often happens when I work, I was in the moment - in that timeless zone where everything outside my focus seems to melt away.

So where did I go wrong?

Well, my problem is that sometimes I can get so absorbed into what I’m doing - that I become lost in it. When this happens, I have difficulty pulling out. It’s like I’m stuck in a groove and I have to follow it all the way to its end. It’s a blessing to have the type of work that feels like play, and to be able to enter into the timeless moment. But it’s also easy to lose perspective.

David of Raptitude wrote an incredible post this week about How to Keep Bad Moods from Taking You Over. Referring to being caught in a bad mood David wrote:

Perspective becomes impaired, but you can’t actually see that while it is happening; you just have to remember that bad moods bend things towards the negative end. Part of the impairment is that your mind tells you your negative outlook is warranted.

Interestingly, a similar thing happens to me when I get into a deep work groove. I enter this place where I stop paying attention to the world around me. If I remain there for too long my perception starts bending, and my “work” becomes all important. That’s exactly what happened to me this week. I was able to brush aside my normal routines, and sadly even the people around me, by convincing myself that my complete focus on work was warranted. I even ignored Acooba telling me that I needed to take a break and get some sleep. But I was doing what I wanted to do.

Eventually, as my excessiveness and lack of sleep caught up to me, my happy focus began to wobble. By early Thursday my creativity, clarity and productivity started to decline - giving way to stress. Suddenly, I didn’t want to play anymore. NOW it was work. Unfortunately, I still had a deadline to make. By Friday, I was a tired and irritable fool.

Okay, so what did I learn?

1. Too much play makes Mikey an irresponsible boy. Last week Amanda of Look Far wrote a short post about The Creative Adult. She asked her readers:

…what happened to the possibility and imagination we had as children? As kids, creativity is as natural to us as breathing and we play as if it were our job (in a way, I guess it is). But somewhere along the path to adulthood the playing ceases and our creativity takes a back seat to real concerns and necessities. So where does that child go and how does he/she come back to us?

My own answer to Amanda’s question was that we tend to lose our openness and creativity as soon as we start believing that life is work and not play. And so it was my belief that to regain the child we must discover our natural passion and run with it. But come to think of it, that’s exactly what got me into trouble this week. I took my passion and ran with it - right into the ground. Of course if children were left to their own devices they would probably do the same thing. Luckily they have parents and other adults to set limits. As adults our limits are defined by our convictions, commitments, responsibilities, and the consequences of our actions. It’s not always fun, but it certainly has its place.

Ian of Quantum Learning wrote a poignant post this week called Balancing on Top of the World. In this post Ian stresses the need for balance by comparing life to walking across a high-wire. Speaking of the Man on a Wire, Ian explains:

His art and his skill is constantly to sense when he’s moved away from his centre of gravity and with small flexes of his muscles adjust his position. With those fine adjustments he’s always moving slightly from one side to the other. Over and over he repeats these sideways adjustments as he slowly, but surely moves forward.

I think to be healthy and happy in the long term requires a balance between passion and responsibility. Clearly this is an art that I have yet to master. Indeed, this week I was irresponsible in a selfish way. It did not serve me or anyone else well.

When I woke up this morning after a full night’s sleep, I remembered something that I seemed to forget earlier in the week:

2. I have love to spare (we all do). It is the experience of love and the connection I share with others that makes me most happy. But when my actions neglect or hurt those around me, how can I be connected? How can I be truly happy? Such “happiness” that causes pain to others is neither real nor lasting. At best, it is merely irresponsible behavior. Unfortunately, these are two lessons I learned the hard way this week.

- Michael

Email This Post

Print This Post

19 Responses to “Lessons of the Week - #1”

Alison | Quest for Balance

04. Apr, 2009

Thanks for this insightful post, Michael. This sentence really resonates with me: “I think to be healthy and happy in the long term requires a balance between passion and responsibility.” We may not find that balance every day, or even every week, but it’s a worthy pursuit.

Alison | Quest for Balance’s last blog post..Fellowship Fridays: Stress Management Tips and Techniques

Reply to this comment
Vincent @ Yinnergy

05. Apr, 2009

I definitely have to compliment you on your level of energy and work ethic towards “all” of your responsibilities (minus this past week according to you)

I am even more impressed that you still put time aside to keep up with your blog, after reading about all of your responsibilities Michael.

At the end of your week you are still “A.W.A.R.E.” of everything that transpired and acknowledged every event. That is still a “positive” in my book because people who “grow” acknowledge past circumstances (big or small), learns from it and then moves on.

For you to take the time and write out your concerns about this past week shows that you do care and yes you still have “love to spare”. Therefore, I am sure that Acooba and your children appreciates and loves you that much more Michael.
Your increased “A.W.A.R.E.”ness is going to be connected to my next weekly video post.
Vincent @ Yinnergy’s last blog post..Vinny’s TOP 7

Reply to this comment
Roger | A Content Life

05. Apr, 2009

Michael,

It’s been awhile, but I remember doing the exact same thing you did with exciting deadlines in programming. I loved it at the beginning, but then I realized that is was slowly eroding my sanity. By the end, I hated it.

I’ve only been meditation for seven months, but I’ve done it everyday that I started. It’s become as important as eating and sleeping for me.

Roger | A Content Life’s last blog post..I’ve Been Tagged!

Reply to this comment
David Cain

05. Apr, 2009

Hi Michael,

Nice post. Sometimes it’s hard to be playful at work, especially when there’s deadline looming. I’m glad things worked out for you. I also veered into stress-land this week, that’s why I wrote that post. Thanks for the mention.

David Cain’s last blog post..The Secret to Connecting With People

Reply to this comment
Michael Scott

05. Apr, 2009

@Alison
Thanks, Alison. I agree. It is a worthy pursuit.

@Vincent
Thanks Vinny. Awareness is a start.

@Roger
I think it’s great that you keep up your meditation daily. I’ve recently fallen out of that and need to get back. Thanks.

@David
Hi David. Thanks for the comment. I really enjoyed your latest post!

Reply to this comment
Nadia-HappyLotus

05. Apr, 2009

Hi Michael,

Good for you for being so aware of what happened this past week. When I first began my career, I worked in politics (which is why I went to law school) and I loved my job. However, after climbing the ladder and reaching to where I wanted to be, I realized that it just wasn’t fun and I grew up in a house where my dad loved (and still loves) his job. So for me I knew work had to be enjoyable and I wasn’t enjoying it anymore.

To make a long story short, I left law and the came back to law. I now have a job that I love…I don’t love the work in the sense that I want to do it until the end of my life but I love how it allows me to work on the things I do love…such as my blog. I will admit that in the legal field my current speciality is not highly respected in terms of the amount of money a person makes but it is ethnical and moral. My conscience is at peace! And I love waking up to face the day ahead!

Hope you are all having a happy weekend over there!

Nadia-HappyLotus’s last blog post..Happy News (April 5, 2009)

Reply to this comment
GetJef

05. Apr, 2009

OMG People!

Let’s face it. Mikey’s a bad, bad man. That’s right. I said it. I’m only saying what others won’t. He is bad to the bone.

You greedy, selfish, dedicated bastard you! Who do you think you are, being the sole breadwinner, supporting six people, creating impossible deadlines, having serious passion about your work, immensely enjoying that work on top of that, foregoing nutrition and sleep, grinding your fingers away at the keyboard, laughing maniacally aloud throughout the night?

All the while your dear most understanding family stands by and watches this pure madness unfold, gasping at the horror that Papa has become, earning a living, while wearing an impish grin on his face, with crazy all in his eyes. How frightening! I’m scared for them. There is no doubt that you are one seriously bad apple! What an awful situation you have created, and for one whole week too!

Hehehe…

I know, I know. I’m going to Hell for this.

All the best!

Your pal,

Jefe’

GetJef’s last blog post..Phishing Scams in Plain English

Reply to this comment
Lisis

05. Apr, 2009

I’m with Jeff on this one. I cannot believe you blew off date night with Acooba!!! You just gave her a “free pass” for whatever she wants. The next time you’re that busy, tell Acooba to call me and we’ll go out on the town for Ladies’ Night.

The old “Gotta work late” excuse, huh? You can do better than that!

Reply to this comment
GetJef

05. Apr, 2009

@ Lisis

No, no… LOL! I’m only being silly. I love Mikey boy! In fact, he’s a Superman! He’s my hero! My hat is off to him in all that he is able to do.

I start feeling ornery, when folks are sounding too mushy and perfectly thoughtful. So I toss some junk in there to mix it up. I embrace his faults, because really… how else can I relate? LOL! Just playing.

I wasn’t serious. He’s my buddy!

Jefe’

GetJef’s last blog post..Phishing Scams in Plain English

Reply to this comment
Amanda Linehan

05. Apr, 2009

Hi Michael - Good point about “setting limits” on one’s own passion or creativity. I have to admit that I am often hesitant to set limits on my own creativity for fear that I won’t have a “pure” experience or mostly because I am just enjoying myself too much! But knowing where to draw the line is just as important as cultivating the passion in the first place. And, I liked your comment about children, too, needing the limits set by their parents and other adults. Great post
Amanda Linehan’s last blog post..The Use Of Self Discipline

Reply to this comment
Alison | Quest for Balance

05. Apr, 2009

Jefe, Lisis is giving him a hard time, too. : ) –A

Alison | Quest for Balance’s last blog post..Fellowship Fridays: Stress Management Tips and Techniques

Reply to this comment
Michael Scott

05. Apr, 2009

@Nadia
Thanks for your comment. I think you are quite fortunate to make a living doing something you enjoy, and which allows you to keep a clear conscience. You are indeed a rare breed of lawyer.

@GetJef
As always, I appreciate your humor and support. You always manage to make me laugh. This was a serious mistake though, because it’s so far from the standard I’m trying to live up to. Working hard to support family is always easy to defend, but in this case I was just being selfish, while also neglecting other responsibilities.

@Lisis
Yeah, Acooba’s upset at me, but in her own loving and understanding way. I’ll let her explain. But you’re absolutely right - I CAN do better.

@Amanda
Thanks for your comment. Your post on The Use of Self Discipline is very timely. Clearly I need some help in this area.

@Alison
Tell him, Alison! I don’t have take that kind of abuse from him. I’ve got plenty of people willing to give me a hard time.

Reply to this comment
Acooba

06. Apr, 2009

@Jeff
Once again you made me laugh and lightened my day. Thanks!

@Lisis
Thanks for having my back! Yes, I was mad at Michael and not speaking to him (sort of). At the same time, I realize that I was being unreasonable, and selfish in my own way. I also realize that date night is really important for me, just like getting enough sleep and eating right…when we skip it I have the same reaction as when I let myself down in some crucial way - like not standing up for myself, etc. It’s funny, because Michael works from home, and we homeschool, so you’d think we had enough time together; but that one evening per week is like an essential shot in the arm. In all honesty, this was a stressful week for me too; today is my Mom’s 70th birthday (and party), so in addition to the usual hectic week, I had lots of shopping to do, and my daughter and I have been cooking and baking round the clock for the last couple of days. I get carried away with my cooking and baking too, and went way beyond what was required or reasonable. Happily, I’ve evolved to the point where I realize that I’m in a bad mood and my perspective is off (like David wrote in his post on bad moods), and so I don’t take the feelings too seriously or make decisions based on them. Also I feel completely safe being “mad” at Michael because I know he loves me even though I’m unreasonable and moody sometimes. I’m also learning how to accept how I feel without judging myself too harshly. For instance, after missing date night I was looking for another opportunity to “hang out,” so Friday I rented a movie and wanted Michael to watch with the kids and I. He was busy and too tired, and that was the last straw for me. At that point I was officially upset. Unreasonable? Definitely. Michael had been up since about 2am and had worked all day. But even though it was selfish and unreasonable to be upset about it, I was and I acknowledged that and being validated, the feeling was content and drifted away. Sorry for the long reply, and thanks again for your warm friendship and support!

Reply to this comment
Ian | Quantum Learning

06. Apr, 2009

Michael

Wouldn’t it be great if some of those life lessons were a bit easier on us and the people around us?

And thanks for the mention! I’m certain this episode from last week was just a small stumble in your journey.

LOL

Ian | Quantum Learning’s last blog post..The secret of love, life and being happy

Reply to this comment
Laurie | Express Yourself to Success

06. Apr, 2009

Thanks for sharing your story, Michael.

It’s actually very timely for me. I’ve been working like crazy for the past several days so I can take time off to spend with my family later this week. Then I started taking my work to the next level (the bad level) - it was just this morning that I started making a list of the things I can do ‘when I’m taking time off’ that I could fit in while visiting.

After reading your post, I’m tearing up my ‘time-off to-do list.’ THANK YOU!!
Laurie | Express Yourself to Success’s last blog post..Thoughts Well Said

Reply to this comment
Positively Present

06. Apr, 2009

It’s great that you have so much awareness in your life. I agree that it’s sometimes hard to find a balance in life, but it is possible. Being aware of the situation is so important, which means you’re totally on the right track!

Positively Present’s last blog post..have the courage to be happy

Reply to this comment
Lisis

06. Apr, 2009

@ Jeff: I know you’re kidding when you criticize Michael. We ALL think he’s superman!

@ Acooba: I don’t blame you one bit for that last straw. It happens to all of us: we get super busy doing things we either have to do or want to do, or (ideally) both. But it is still so important to MAKE the time to reconnect with the ones we love. Somehow they always get the short end of the stick when we get pressed for time. That being said, I don’t worry about you two at all; there’s enough love between you guys to withstand all sorts of things.

@ Positively Present: I completely agree… it’s ALL about balance.

=-)

Lisis’s last blog post..Adventure: Conquer The World

Reply to this comment
Mocha Dad

06. Apr, 2009

I operated a photography business that I loved, but it was interfering with my family life and stealing time from them. This business was in addition to my regular job. I made a choice to end the photo business for the sake of my family. I miss the creative outlet of making portraits, but I regret the time I missed from my family. My life is much more satisfying without the added distraction.

Mocha Dad’s last blog post..Fatherhood Fragments: Featuring Nee

Reply to this comment
Michael Scott

06. Apr, 2009

@Ian
“Wouldn’t it be great if some of those life lessons were a bit easier on us and the people around us?” YES!!!!!

@Laurie
Laurie, thanks for sharing that. It doesn’t always feel good to broadcast my flaws and mistakes on the internet. But if there’s at least one person who can learn from my mistakes, it makes it all worth it.

@Positively Present
Well, at the very least, I think I know which is the right track to be on. Getting on that track however, is another story. Thanks for your comment.

@Lisis
Please don’t encourage her.

@Mocha Dad
“My life is much more satisfying without the added distraction.” That says it all right there. Thanks for your comment.

Reply to this comment