Love to Spare

Love Challenge #1: Winners Announced Here!

Posted on 07. Apr, 2009 by Michael Scott in Featured, Love & Relationships, Weekly Love Challenge

Sorry for the late announcement on this. For some reason I thought we were supposed to announce the winners on Tuesday. Oops. I’ll do better next time - I promise.

So onto the winners then:

We got a lot of great responses (see Love Challenge #1). Thanks to all who participated.

I had planned to address what I liked about each response, but I’m tired right now (it’s been another long day) and I’m trying to beat the midnight deadline for this post. So I’m just going to jump straight to our picks:

Michael’s Pick:
This was definitely a tough call, but ultimately I settled on the response that would have been most effective against me. That was the response offered by Candi (CS). I felt that Candi was sensitive to Richard’s desires without losing her cool or her smarts. She expressed a willingness to let Richard have his way, but not without taking another look at the budget and working through some practical matters. And notice Candi’s inclusive language:

…we would return home and see if there is any way allowable for us to manage to keep the car. If our budget allows for it… we keep the car but with a promise in the future that neither one of us can make a purchase over $500 without consulting the other spouse.

But I was most impressed with Candi’s willingness to make personal sacrifices to absorb those cost:

I could possibly sell my car and catch the bus or attempt to carpool to work for 6 months. This would allow us to use the extra money saved on gas and a car note to be applied to the car to accelerate the payments. I would then purchase a used car to avoid and future car payments.

If my wife were to make those type of sacrifices just so that I could afford the car of my dreams, I would be very moved and way too ashamed to keep the car.

Finally, I love Candi’s clever (and humorous) way of getting her point across:

Then I would go up to New York and purchase a very good knockoff Prada bag. When he got home from work I would exuberantly let him know that I had just purchased the $2,800 bag of my dreams for only $2,000! And after listening to his outraged and disgusted reaction, I would calmly divulge that it is only a $50 knockoff; and that his reaction is the exact way I felt when he pulled up to the driveway in his brand new truck….

Candi, you’ve been added to our Love Hall of Fame!

- Michael

Acooba’s Pick:
My favorite response to the Love Challenge #1 was given by Regina. Here’s what I liked about her response to “Richard:”

1. “No drama.” (Enough said!)
2. The situation is handled and possibly diffused with humor. Regina wrote, “I would have to just laugh and shake my head.” In long relationships, people often end up laughing over things that caused great anger and consternation when they initially happened. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to laugh about it together in the beginning?
3. Empathy – some of the best relationship advice Michael and I ever received was “put yourself in the other person’s shoes.” Regina said she would, “Get him to take me for a spin in [the SUV] to see how much he loves it.”
4. Acceptance and grace – I love this! Regina wrote that, “Just as I have come to realize and accept that I am never going to be a super-frugal person, I would have to accept the added layer of financial chaos of having a spouse with the same malady.”
5. Optimistic – Regina’s response indicates that she sees options, rather than merely obstacles in the situation, such as: a) “re-think our budget from our new starting point;” and, b) “deciding whether to take his new SUV or my old Prius on a given outing.”
6. Forward-thinking – so many times people tend to get bogged down in anger and blame for things that have already happened, instead of looking ahead for potential pitfalls, in order to avoid future stumbling. Regina stated that, “I would start thinking about ways that “Richard” and I could impose some safeguards on impulse purchases.”
7. Practical – An actual plan of action is always helpful; Regina included a number of practical measures for accommodating this situation, including: a) forgoing credit cards; b) having the “savings budget automatically routed to something less liquid, less easily cashed out;” and, c) maintaining multiple checking accounts “so no single one has a large balance, making it harder to spend a lot at once.”
8. Humble – I believe that self-righteousness is damaging to relationships, and that gleefully wielding the weapon of “rightness” over someone else’s “wrongness” is incredibly counter-productive. So I appreciated Regina’s admission that, “I am pretty impulsive myself.” In addition, she states that, “once the inevitable buyer’s remorse set in for “Richard”, I could suggest some of those safeguards.” The keyword here for me is “suggest.” Even though Richard violated the previous budget agreement, Regina doesn’t consider herself entitled to “lay down the law,” opting instead for a more gentle and cooperative approach.

Regina, you’ve been added to our Love Hall of Fame!

A special thanks to everyone who participated in the Love Challenge #1. I enjoyed reading other’s responses and I feel that I learned a lot in the process. It is my hope that we can all continue to share, learn, grow, and enjoy together!

- Acooba

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