My Own Selfishness

My Own Selfishness

Posted on 09. May, 2009 by Michael Scott in Notes & Reflections

For reasons that are still kept secret from me, I spent the early years of my life in foster care. I was nearly five years old when I first remember meeting my mother. She picked up my sister and I from Manhattan and brought us out to Los Angeles. Whatever had happened in the past that led us to foster care, and whatever trauma we had experienced while there, was to be forgotten and never spoken of again.

My mother had come to rescue us and we were now expected to live a new life. We (myself, my sister, my mother, and my alcoholic step father) would now live happily-ever-after as the perfect family. That was the plan; but the reality would be much harsher.

My purpose in sharing this now is not to dig up old skeletons, but to explain my rationale for feeling sorry for myself as a child. I saw and experienced many things that I knew weren’t right. But I allowed these things to become the justification for my own selfishness. Somewhere along the line, I remember complaining to God about the world. Sixteen years ago, that complaint came back to me in the form of this story:

My Own Selfishness

As a young child I looked around at the world and decided that I did not like it. I cried out to God complaining, “Father, I do not want to live here.”

God answered my cry asking, “Dear child, do you find fault with the world?”

My eyes filled with tears as I thought about all the things of the world that I did not like. “Yes, Father,” I replied, “This world is full of great pain and misery. Everyone here is so preoccupied with their own needs and ambitions — their eyes have become blind to the needs of their fellowmen, their hearts have become hardened with fear and hatred, and they have not even the courage to know love.”

“And you, child,” asked God, “are you also afraid?”

I thought for some time and answered, “Yes, Father, I am afraid of becoming like them; for it does not seem that any man can live in such a world and yet keep his heart full of love.”

“There are many,” explained God, “who complain about the state of the world. There are many who say they are tired of the selfishness, the hatred and the wrongdoings; but so few are those who are truly willing to love and to forgive. So my answer to your cry is the same that I give to all my children: when despite the world’s faults you can have true love and forgiveness towards all, only then can you say you have met the challenges of this world.”

“But Father”, I cried, “I am only a child. I did not choose this life, nor did I choose these circumstances. I am a victim of the world and of all the people who were here before me. How then can I be expected to love anyone?”

God patiently replied, “Dear child, each man may blame his lack of love on his circumstances. The more fault he finds with the world, the more he believes he is justified to think and act selfishly; but doing so only adds to his and the world’s troubles. Indeed, it is each man’s own selfishness that divides him from God and others. But if a man finds the way to overcome his own selfishness, then even his circumstances can not contain him. His heart would flood with love and forgiveness for all, then even all the troubles of the world could not cause him to despair. Do you understand this, child?”

With a long sigh, I answered, “Yes, Father,” and then wept; for at that moment I realized that I was not on this earth for mere frolic and play, but that I was sent here to overcome my own selfishness.

Michael Scott 11/25/93

In many ways my quest to overcome my own selfishness is only just beginning.


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17 Responses to “My Own Selfishness”

  1. Amanda Linehan

    09. May, 2009

    Hi Michael - Thanks for sharing this very personal story. I think many of us have a moment or a circumstance that creates the lens through which we see all of our life and the world. When we know what that lens is we can begin to work from there. :)
    Amanda Linehan’s last blog post..When Your Goals Seem Far Away

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  2. Roger | A Content Life

    09. May, 2009

    Michael,

    I think the good news is that when we overcome our selfishness and help others we become happier ourselves. At least, that’s what I believe.

    Roger | A Content Life’s last blog post..Beware of False Kindness

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  3. Positively Present

    09. May, 2009

    This is such a great post. I’m really inspired by how open and honest you are here. Thank you for sharing your story!

    Reply to this comment

  4. Daphne @ Joyful Days

    09. May, 2009

    Michael, this was beautifully written. It reminded me of Neale Donald Walsh’s Conversations with God. Our early years have such an impact on the rest of our lives, an impact we often don’t understand or even realise. Good on you for taking the first steps to deal with your past in such a loving way.

    Daphne @ Joyful Days’s last blog post..A Letter from My Older Self

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    • Michael Scott

      11. May, 2009

      Yeah, I’ve been stuck on these first steps for awhile. So it will be good for me to keep stepping. Time to spare is the issue right now.

      Thanks for your support.

      Reply to this comment

  5. Sasha

    10. May, 2009

    Simply astounding…you never fail to just blow me away with your eloquence and soul jarring truths. I am truly blessed to be anointed with your words…

    And Happy Mother’s Day to Acooba…may you revel in the extreme lovefest that you call home and family. xxoo

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  6. Harriet

    10. May, 2009

    Your transparency is amazing! All I can say is there are three things we can rest our hats on: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these three things is love…it never fails, it holds no records of wrongs, it always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres. God is love personified, and He definitely speaks through you in this piece.

    Please tell Acooba and your mother I said Happy Mothers’ Day! God bless you!

    Reply to this comment

  7. Acooba

    11. May, 2009

    Dear Sasha & Harriet,
    I have immensely enjoyed this day, right up to this last minute or so of it. Thank you both for your warm wishes, and I hope that today was a beautiful and blessed day for you as well.

    Reply to this comment

  8. Name Michael Smalley

    03. Jun, 2009

    Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly. I love transparency! It is amazing how we can develop thoughts, beliefs and actions based on things so far back in our past. A big amen on working on overcoming selfishness. I believe this is my biggest struggle in life and constantly feel God’s tug on my soul to check my spirit and live to serve others.

    Name Michael Smalley’s last blog post..Remarriage Tip: Just agree to do this one thing

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  9. Ryan

    03. Aug, 2009

    You know that Mikey pic above REALLY looks like another little Scott I know…

    Reply to this comment

  10. Ryan

    04. Aug, 2009

    Well the nose is a lil’ different, but OMG, I mean, its so, like, totally Ariel.

    Reply to this comment

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